I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
