Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
