I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
