I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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