Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
