I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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