I accidentally burped into my bong.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
