Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
