I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
