k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
