My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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