Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
