I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
