I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
did i just pee glitter
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
