I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
