I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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