He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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