I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
