Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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