watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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