why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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