It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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