i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
