i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
