I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
