My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
