would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
