I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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