And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
