woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
