Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
