I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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