Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
