No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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