I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
