You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
