I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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