there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize