I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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