Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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