i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
