People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
