she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
