go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
