Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
