I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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