I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
