She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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