I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
