Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
