I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
