What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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